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The Coolest Things About Being In A Relationship
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My girlfriend has many great qualities. along with her physical attributes, she’s smart as a whip, she’s legitimately kind-hearted (seriously, i’ve never been with a woman who was a better friend to her friends than she is), and last sunday she even managed to grill a t-bone steak while (almost) completely butt naked.
Yet, despite these (and other) prodigious positives, another attribute has slowly risen to the top of the “great things about our relationship” list: the perpetual comic relief provided by our shared netflix account
You see, to say that she and i have different tastes when it comes to movies would be like saying michelle obama and michelle malkin have dissimilar political views. To be honest, what it basically comes down to is that i’m an annoyingly pretentious movie snob and she isn’t an annoyingly pretentious movie snob, and this is particularly evident when it comes to comedies. i’m not quite the asshole who laughs harder at a joke if he thinks he’s the only one who “gets” it, but i am the asshole whose girlfriend refuses to watch certain comedies with him because i apparently put unvoiced “laugh pressure” on her. oh well. I still maintain that something is wrong with you if you can’t laugh at least once while watching an episode of “louie”
Mind you, it’s not a complete contrast. In the year since i bought her the account, we’ve found numerous movies and television series that we’ve both enjoyed. (right now, we’re on season five of “lost” and season one of “mad men“) with that being said, you can’t beat the comic relief of looking in your netflix queue and seeing that every movie that robert pattinson has ever been has somehow made into your top 10. Seriously, his agent, his momma, and the stalker who’s eventually going to shoot him have to be the only people on earth who’ve seen more movies starring edward cullen in the last 6 months than i have, and at this point i can’t do anything else but laugh.
Anyway, the never-ending comic relief of the shared netflix account is definitely one of the 10 coolest things about being in a relationship.
Here’s the rest.
1. Morning sex
While friends with benefits and jump-offs both have their positives, each of these relationship dynamics come with limitations, and each of these limitations basically ensure that you’ll never have morning sex. Since “no overnight stays” can be found on page one of each edition of the abridged friends with benefits handbook, pre-breakfast back-breaking is a no-no. and sh*t, you don’t even want your jump-off to know where you live, so morning sex (and indoor sex) is definitely out.
Relationships, though, continue to prove that the folgers people are full of sh*t. put it this way: the best part about waking about definitely aint no f*cking folgers in my cup
2. The endless opportunities to take advantage of the fact that women seem to go gaga for men in relationships
Maybe it has something to do with bandwagon attraction. Maybe it has to do with the fact that men in relationships (usually) aren’t pressed to impress women, and this gives us a certain aura of “whateverness” when dealing with them, a quality (some) women find attractive. and, maybe women are just masochistic teases. Either way, women definitely do seem to regard you in a different light when you’re in a relationship.
Now, this this regard isn’t overt. (most) men aren’t going to have women fed-exing their thongs to him as soon as they find out he’s hitched. But, when you’re around, they do seem to flirt a tad bit more, cheese a little cheesier, and speak of/to you in a more wistful manner, all actions that can help you get extra appetizers, better credit, and free sneakers if you play it right.3. You always have an “out”
Caught buying the “true blood” dvd box set at best buy? say you’re getting it for your girl
Your annoying-ass “i’m really only cool with your ass because you’re my godbrother” friend wants to go clubbing this weekend? you can’t because you made plans with your girl
Your sensitive co-worker baked the sh*ttiest looking cake you’ve ever seen? tell her your girl is planning on making a big dinner and she’ll be mad if you don’t go home with an empty stomach
Accidentally let it slip while you’re with your boys that you think t.o. needs to stop playing and just get with kita? Say your girl makes you watch the show
The possibilities are endless.
4. The dutch date
I’m not a big fan of women paying for dates or even the dutch date. But, once you’re done with the dating game, its not uncommon (well, let me rephrase that. it shouldn’t be uncommon) for your girl to spring for a few of your outings together. If at dinner, you can even practice your version of the fake reach for the check technique for kicks. (personally, mine has a bit too much wrist action. i need to work on that)
5. You always have a partner
While an occasional bit of quality time for yourself isn’t a bad thing (in fact, it’s necessary), it’s cool to always have a person ready to accompany you for even the most mundane task. Plus, you never know when you’ll need a getaway driver or alibi
6. You can experiment in the sack
As i alluded to earlier, the unpredictable nature of casual sex relationships puts a bit of mystery into your sex life. With a typical friends with benefits or jump-off arrangement, you could realistically go from 5 times in a week to none for five weeks. when you combine this with the fact that, in a casual sex relationship, your sex game is really the only thing that matters, there’s no real room for error. If you don’t consistently bring (at least) your “b” game, you’ll be scourging clubs and craigslist for new booty quicker than a crackheads heartbeat.
In a relationship, though, the sexual pressure isn’t as strigent. while this doesn’t give you carte blanche to be wack in the sack, the level of comfort you have with each other allows you to experiment with new things (positions, temperature of lube, unique orifices, etc) knowing that if it doesn’t work, it’s no big deal. you’ll try something new the next day.
7 and 8. Your parents are happier to see you
Don’t get me wrong. My parents love it when i visit them. But, this “settled” love isn’t the same as the unbridled joy and energy they exhibit when i tell them i’m bringing my girl. put it this way: when i visit them and tell them i’m bringing my girl along, they’ll prepare anything from grilled steaks and shrimp to spaghetti and homemade strawberry shortcake for dinner.
When i visit them by myself, i’m lucky if my dad tells me “there’s some ham and cheese in the fridge if you want to make a sandwich or something”
9. You feel better about being a lazy bastard on the weekend
***What a typical single guy says to himself after he rolls over in bed and sees that it’s almost 3pm saturday afternoon***
“Damn it’s late. That was a hell of a night. f*ck, man. saturday’s almost over though. i can’t keep doing this sh*t every weekend. I need to make some changes in my life. where’s my bible?”
***What a typical guy in a relationship says to himself after he rolls over in bed with his girl and sees that it’s almost 3pm saturday afternoon***
“Damn its late. that was a hell of a night. wait…hmmm. She’s not wearing any panties. I hope she doesn’t mind if i slip some folgers in her cup”
Falks, did i miss anything? with all the anti-relationship surrounding us, can you think of any other cool things about being in a relationship?